Monday, January 28, 2008

One step forward, two steps back

You probably haven't noticed because I try my hardest to focus on the positive side of things, but I've been in a major rut lately -so deep that backwards steps are not an option. I must move forward. I think it stems from the fact that selling our home has left our house in disarray and I've let that spill over into our lifestyle. I've gotten lazy in many areas of my life and it's all catching up with me. The littlest things stress me out. When the house is a mess it literally feels like the joy is being sucked out of me. I cringe when I hear Sam calling for me in the morning because, like a broken record player, I've been repeating the same, unfulfilling days over and over again.
Then yesterday morning as I got ready for church without anyone pulling on my sleeve to make them breakfast or whining for me to read them a story, I realized that a little less sleep was way worth the peace and quiet I was enjoying as I did my hair, put on my makeup and got dressed. I decided right there in the bathroom that starting Monday morning I was going to get up when Brian does (6am) in order to have ME time right away. No more running on empty all the time. No more stealing a few minutes here and there throughout the day because that's what it felt like - stealing. I felt guilty.
Julia was up late last night because of her cold, but I was determined to make a change. Six o'clock rolled around and I came downstairs with a basket of laundry on my hip and the resolve in my heart to get back on track.
I've always been a list maker. There's something about being able to let the tasks and thoughts I'm trying not to forget go "poof" once they're down on paper. My brain isn't so cluttered and my outlook is better when I can put a slash through a project (even small ones like remembering to feed the fish or drink 6 glasses of water). I knew something was wrong when I hadn't made a list in months - probably not since we had tons to do in order to get the house on the market.
Funny thing is that I didn't make any New Year's resolutions. I guess I usually don't, but this was one year I could definitely have benefited from a little motivation. Instead I found it here, after I'd already decided I was ready to make changes. I'm not striving to be supermom or even to be just like MCK Mama, but I do want to be content. Specifically, I want to be closer to the Lord. I want to feel less stressed when my attention is suppose to be focused on my kids. I want to eat healthier and take better care of my body. I want to be the wife of my husband's dreams.
Lest I forget why "my plan" is here are a few changes I'm working on:
* Wake up at 6am most days to pray, do yoga, eat breakfast, check email, and do a little blog cruising.
* Play with my kids and not worry about the housework while they are awake.
* Get as much accomplished during nap-time as possible
* Do devotional with Brian right after the kids are in bed
* Write my husband a love letter ever day
* Relax in the evenings (something I already do, but now it's not because I'm ignoring the work- the work got done during naps)

It's after 8pm as I finished typing this. I considered not even posting about this and keeping this new path to myself, but then where would the accountability be? I'd like to be able to look back at this during the summer months and see how far I've come. Ahhh Summer... I don't suppose the fact that we've only had about five days above freezing all winter long has anything to do with my slump. Anyway....I'm happy to be able to write that today I put my plan into action word for word. Now I'm going to go enjoy a movie in my clean living room.

and that load of laundry? FOLDED and upstairs all in the same day! Now that's what I call a positive change!

6 comments:

4 Little Men January 28, 2008 at 8:41 PM  

Yeah for you! That's awesome. Life can really drill you down sometimes and once it starts it so hard to get back. I've been in a very similar slump before... it's so hard to turn around... especially when you're tired, overdrawn & confused. You have great goals and I'll pray you can reach them... with God's help. Thanks for the encouragement and good luck!

oh... I totally agree with the getting up early and not worrying about anything else while the kids are up. It's so hard for me to get up early especially when the baby doesn't sleep well... but it's still worth it... when I do it. :)

have a great night!

MCK Mama January 28, 2008 at 8:58 PM  

Yeah! This was SO encouraging to read. I'm so excited for you...to see how these "little" changes will make a BIG difference in your life. It was inspiring to read! Hang in there!

Faith Hope Love Mama January 29, 2008 at 9:53 AM  

I also get up before the kids but my hubby leaves at 5 am so that wake up call is a little too early for this night owl. I really miss nap time for getting things done so I usually stay up late and try and accomplish much. My youngest is almost 4 and rarely naps anymore. That is a hard transition! Your blog was great and I can completely relate and thanks for the honesty. Blessings.

Aleah January 29, 2008 at 12:27 PM  

I go through periods like this also. Just getting out of one actually!
It feels so good to be doing things RIGHT in every part of life!

Here's to loads of laundry folded and put away again today (and everything else)!

Aleah

Killlashandra January 29, 2008 at 4:12 PM  

Sounds like a great change! I do a similar morning routine during the week, except I get up at 4:30 am and that usually gives me 30 minutes before W.W. wakes up and then I leave for work at 5:30 am.

I try to sneak a little more sleep in on the weekends.

Sounds like a great start though!

Patty January 29, 2008 at 6:55 PM  

Good for you, it is definitely important to set aside some me time in each day!

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