Not Me Monday - 3rd edition

It's that time again and in order to get my "Not Me" post up at a decent hour I did not just put the kids in front of a video so I could try to dredge up some dirt on the past week. Nope. Not me.

It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't intend to write things down as they happened so I it wouldn't take me long to whip out this post and then not actually write anything down.

So from memory here are the rest of my Not Me's:

I did not stick my fingers in p**p when I went to check Julia's diaper the other day.
The kid hasn't had a blow-out in ages. What was up with that?
I did not get the answer to that question when I discovered not one, not two, but three poop smears on my steps where she had slid down the steps on her bottom.

I did not eat Julia's birthday cake for breakfast on Friday and Saturday.

I did not swear off milk products again now that my skin is so dry, cracked, and itchy that it is bloody from my ever increasing intolerance to some of my favorite foods. sigh

I did not let Sam buy a toy for his sister that I knew he would end up claiming as his own. No, that would defeat the entire purpose of taking him to the store to pick out a gift to give to his sister.

My fingers (and fingernails) are not black and blue from picking a five gallon bucket of grapes yesterday. That would be gross.

I haven't put in hours of work (with many more to come) to make homemade jelly when it would be cheaper (and faster) to buy jelly at the store. I would never eat up my precious free time with something so silly.

I did not change my template knowing I'd lose most of the extras in my sidebar. I did not feel bad for a moment and then realize that it's rather liberating to not keep tabs on who is visiting my blog and how often. I don't recommend it at all.

I did not send my husband and kids to McDonald's just so I could keep working and not have to stop and make dinner. The peace and quiet I would get as a result had nothing to do with it.

I did not keep renewing a library book over and over again just because I couldn't find it and refused to buy a book that I'd never even had a chance to read. I did not find the book 3 months later on one of the kid's bookshelves where I probably stuck it in a cleaning panic.

I did not put Sam in the bathtub 10 minutes before school pictures were scheduled to begin. Not me. That would mean he'd have to have his picture taken with wet hair. It would also mean that I paid someone else to take my child's portrait. How silly would that be since I don't already take portraits of the kids once a month? I would never waste money like that.

I am not still typing this post when I should be getting us all dressed for school.... Not me. I'm a whiz at time management.