A bump in the road
Except today I'd call it a boulder in the road.
Trying to get past it is like trying to remove gum from the bottom of your shoe. The more you pull at it the stickier you gets.
I hate being sticky.
I hate that we are experiencing so much defiance from our almost 5 year old.
He said that if I made him do "insert generic request here" he would trip me.
Nice.
He's out of control and I'm sick of being pummeled by boulders at every turn.
We tell him we love him no matter what but his behavior is not OK. There are consequences. Tonight he has to spend some alone time in his room.
He says he doesn't know why he gets so out of control.
I said I forgive him. We pray together then we exchanged forehead kisses - our favorites.
I feel responsible for the negative change in him.
I pray for smoother roads.
15 comments:
Believe me, I know how you feel. Ethan has his terrible days too. Know there's other moms out there that feel the same things, and their kids say the same things. You're not alone, friend! I don't really have any magic words of advice for you--room time is what works for us. Sometimes it's up to an hour, but it's good for them to have some separate time. Keep pluggin' away, friend!
While I can't say I know what you are dealing with, I can say you are a VERY talented writer and photographer. So glad I found you in Facebook!
Hang in there, friend! You're a great mama! I'm so sorry you've been discouraged late, but I just encourage you to follow your heart and look to the Lord for guidance :) Praying things improve!
I ditto Jenna! You are a great mama. You really are doing it right. We/he won't always get everything we want in life, we will have to do the tough things, and there are consequnces if we choose not to do those things (or doing them with a stinky attitude). It would do him no good to hide that truth from him. But you are also exemplifying unconditional love and forgivness and the importance of prayer. Sounds like a mothering job well done!
oh no! I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. Just remember it's all a phase! You are a good mom... Sam is just trying to figure it all out! Growing up is hard! :)
britt
I'm so sorry. I remember those days and how they wore me down. You get tempted to take the easier road to avoid the boulders, but they get worse when they don't learn these lessons young.
I hope he turns a corner soon and is sweet and respectful to you a whole day or two! I love those spells!
Hang in there! My 5yo boy does a lot of the same things and has many of the same troubles with control. Talking to other parents of 5-6 yo little boys, we are not alone!
I will say we sucked it up and were really tough and consistent (consequences 100% of the time for that stuff) for about a week and we started to see some major improvements. Not what I would like, but back to a bearable level of wildness.
Good Luck!
It's not just boys. My 12yo went through the same things at around that age. She would scream at me saying that she hated me and I was the worst mom ever. I would say something like, "I know! Bless your heart, I don't know how you got stuck with such an awful mother. Now go to your room." When she realized she wasn't ruffling my feathers (she really was, but I didn't let her know that), she got better.
Maybe it's an oldest child thing. I didn't get it so much from the 8yo. I hope that's it, so maybe I won't go through the same things with the baby. He's only 18 months, and I already see a defiant streak in him!!
SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE KEVIN C. Dwight
you are a great momma! I have been dealing with my son and his out of control actions as well. Mine is only 3 1/2 yrs old...and I feel like such a failure when he starts his fits. I do find that the time alone in his room helps. I want to "nip this in the bud" before it gets out of hand as he gets older.
Our pastor is teaching on Child discipline right now..
We are trying this. "3 things to use"
~Use your eyes (the "I see what you are doing and don't like it" look)
~use your head (think before you speak..if you don't, you end up yelling)
~use your tone (have a tone that is only used for discipline time...that way, when you are out, all you have to do is say his/her name in that tone and they straighten up)
It takes alot of discipline and patience on my side...but we see it working slowly.
Good luck, Carrie.
Thinking about you! Things will turn around and don't forget he loves you and you are an amazing mommy :)
Hi carrie,
Sorry I haven't been around much lately. (Out of town...still). I'm sorry Sam is giving you a hard time. Have you ever read "Shepharding a Child's Heart?" I don't agree with everything in it (can't think of a book besides the Bible I have) but when I go by his principals (very Biblically based) we have an easier time with James. If you want to read it, I'll mail my copy to you.
Jenney
Parenting is definitely the hardest job ever. I really had no idea before my three came. Mine are 10, 7, and 5. All three (boy and girls) have had stubborn phases, defiance issues, and strong wills. I've read many books on parenting and have taken a little from each book. However, I started reading a Kevin Leman book teaching about talking to your kids about the birds and the bees. I was seriously surprised that the first half of the book deals with parenting issues. It's been very insightful and talks about all sorts of behaviors and how they relate to decision making down the road. We've started implementing new rules in our house and it's a bumpy road but I believe it needs to happen now or my children could suffer later with bigger consequences. I know the boat you are in. I will pray for you dear. It's not easy.
My daughter, who CAN be the sweetets kid around, has said almost the same thing.... "If you don't let me [blank], I'll hit you." I remind myself that this is a phase and represents only the 1% (okay, maybe 5%) :) of her that is defiant. Her behavior is worse on days when she is tired or very over-excited, so we have tried to avoid getting into such situations (when we can control it).
You are not "responsible" -- we all do all we can as mamas. I stay home full-time with my kids and am still experiencing this exact same thing with my kids. If I did [insert something here -- if I worked; if I snet them to a relative's two days a week; if I...whatever] I'd probably be tempted to blame it on that, but none of those things would be the reason. I think it's a phase, it's kids trying out words and testing boundaries. I remind myselfthat they feel safer when they have clear boundaries and reasonable consequences.
Hang in there!
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